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Text: Jonah 3:1-5, 10

I want to be clear from the beginning that my sermon title for today does not mean that this will be the shortest and worst sermon ever. I am sure that many of you came today eager to hear the shortest sermon, but this will not be it. It remains to be seen whether this will be the worst sermon ever, but it is not intended to be.

The sermon title refers to Jonah's sermon, which was the shortest and worst ever. Perhaps my sermon title then should be "About the Shortest and Worst Sermon Ever Preached." But I thought the current title was more likely to spark your curiosity, and it seems to have worked.

According to one of my seminary professors, sermon titles are an important part of sermon preparation. As he lectured one class, he said that the sermon title should be so good that it will make the people passing by on the bus want to get off the bus and come in to hear the sermon. A few weeks later one student preached an outstanding sermon before the class. The professor asked, "And what is the title of this fine sermon?" The student replied that the sermon title was "There's a Bomb on the Bus." The student got an A.

Most folks know vaguely about Jonah and the whale, but they don't know the whole story. Actually, the Bible refers only to a "big fish," but I don't think the Bible intended to differentiate between a fish and a mammal, as modern scientist do. So I will continue to call it a whale.

I believe that the book of Jonah is the national lampoon of prophecy books. Perhaps you remember the National Lampoon movie series, which variously poked fun at vacations, European vacations, Christmas vacations and Las Vegas vacations. Perhaps like me you have laughed your way through some of the scenes that are all too true to life.

I think Jonah is the Clark Griswald of prophets. In the 48 verses of this book, we find Jonah as the reverse of what a prophet is supposed to be. Throughout the book virtually everyone has more faith in God than Jonah does! The sailors on the ship had more faith; the people of Nineveh had more faith; maybe even the whale had more faith!

In all the rest of the Bible, the true prophets of God are lifted up as heroic figures. They were dedicated individuals that we can rightly put on a pedestal of faith. I think of Elijah and his amazing contest with the prophets of Baal. Elijah poured water on the sacrifice three times, then called down a fire from heaven to burn it up. We can think of dedicated men like Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Daniel who exhibited great faith and courage.

But Jonah is the opposite of what we expect from a prophet. He is found going the wrong way by the third verse of the book! When God called him to go west, he hightailed it east on the first ship from Joppa. What kind of prophet is this?

I must admit that I have trouble identifying with the courage of Elijah. I usually find myself more like Jonah than the other prophets. I guess Jonah is a prophet for the rest of us. And it is encouraging to know that God can use someone like Jonah, and someone like us.

I find some humor in his suicidal tendencies throughout the book, beginning on the ship. When the storm comes up, he finally confesses, "Pick me up and throw me into the sea; then the sea will quiet down for you; for I know it is because of me that this great storm has come upon you."

This scene reminds me of Bill Murray's character in the movie "Ground Hog Day." His character wakes up every day on February 2. He is trapped in that day until he gets it right. At one part of the movie he tries every way imaginable to kill himself, but always wakes up the next day on February 2. In the same way, God foils Jonah's suicidal tendencies, and he wakes up in the belly of a whale.

Then we get this outrageous picture of Jonah causally sitting the belly of a large fish politely composing a perfectly poetic psalm to the Lord. Isn't there something incongruous about that picture? A normal person would be shouting, "Help! Get me out of here!"

Then the humor continues as we see Jonah finally going to preach a sermon to the Ninevites. It seems clear that Jonah is not a happy camper about this missionary journey. The reluctant prophet goes to Nineveh though his heart is clearly not in the project. I can imagine his sour attitude as he unenthusiastically traipses through Nineveh muttering God's message.

He must have made quite a scene. After he has spent three days in the belly of a fish, he was reeking of whale barf, and the digestive gases had bleached him white. He must have looked a mess when he strolled into the center of town and belted out his message.

And what a sermon he delivers! His sermon is the shortest and the worst ever. Consisting of just five words in the original Hebrew language, he says, "Forty days more, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!" He doesn't bother with a catchy introduction. We find no clever sermon titles printed on the billboards. No illustrations, no poems. He doesn't even use alliteration to expound three points and a poem. He just blurts out his five word sermon to get it over with as soon as possible. We can almost hear Jonah say, "There! Are you satisfied, God? I went. I preached. It's done."

Jonah doesn't even present the truth of his message very well. Clearly, God's message was conditional. If the people of Nineveh did not repent, then God was going to judge them harshly. But Jonah never mentions the "if" part. He only pronounces judgment. Then he doesn't even give an invitation. This is the worst sermon possible.

But look at the amazing response. Everyone, "great and small," repented in sackcloth and ashes and "believed God." Even the king hears about the message and repents. We find people repenting and converting right and left. This is hilarious. This is outrageous! Such an unbelievable response to such an awful sermon!

The king makes a decree that no one shall eat or drink anything. All the people are to put on sackcloth. Then the story moves beyond repentance to the ridiculous. In Jonah 3:8, the king decrees that all the animals put on sackcloth. Can you imagine this scene? Here is a field of cows draped in sackcloth. William Willimon says, "You preach in such a way as to provoke bovine repentance, that's impressive." The dogs were repenting in sackcloth. And how I the world did they ever get the cats to keep those tiny sackcloth suits on? Did you ever try to dress a cat?

God sees all this ridiculous repentance and repents as well. Verse ten says, "God changed his mind about the calamity that he had said he would bring upon them; and he did not do it."

But the humor is not over for chapter four starts this way, "But this was very displeasing to Jonah, and he became angry." This too is ridiculous. Here is a prophet who has preached a five-word sermon and a city sixty miles wide has responded with repentance, all the men, women, children, dogs, cats and cows! If ever there was an occasion for a preacher to shout, "Hallelujah!" that's it. But not in this story, not in this prophetic lampoon.

Jonah complains, "O Lord! Is not this what I said while I was still in my own country? That is why I fled to Tarshish at the beginning; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and ready to relent from punishing. And now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live."

He's back to his suicidal ways. He's upset that God didn't destroy Nineveh like Jonah said God would. So he goes out of the city and sits down to pout, waiting to see what would become of the city.

In a reflection of Jack and the Bean Stalk, God made a plant, which the footnote in my Bible says was possibly a "castor bean plant," to grow right beside Jonah to provide him some shade. Is this a cartoon or what? And Jonah was happy about the bean stalk giving him shade.

Then to teach Jonah a lesson, God sends a worm to attack the plant, and it wilts. That sends Jonah into another depressive tailspin. He says, "It is better for me to die than to live."

God says, "Is it right for you to be angry about the bush?" And he said, "Yes, angry enough to die."

Then at the very end of the book, God gives the point of this national lampoon story of prophets, "You are concerned about the bush, for which you did not labor and which you did not grow; it came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should I not be concerned about Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who do not know their right hand from their left…" But to finish on a nice note of humor, God adds, "And also many animals."

The book of Jonah is a funny book. This is theology as high comedy. But I hope the story disturbs us too. It is a satire on every exclusive, narrow-minded expression of religion. Jonah was not at all interested in the people of Nineveh turning to God.

But we see that God cannot bear the thought of destroying Nineveh, not only because there are one hundred and twenty thousand people within its walls, but also because there is much cattle. The story of Jonah holds before us a picture of God that is so loving, so patient, so relentlessly gracious that it pushes us to extend our boundaries of love as well.

I read a wonderful story on the Internet recently. Unfortunately, I cannot vouch for it's veracity. But it's the kind of story that, if it isn't true, it ought to be. On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady had found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.

"What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked the attendant.

"Can't you see?" she said. "You've seated me next to a kaffir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"

"Please calm down Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll go see if we have any seats available in club or first class."

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her. All the other passengers were horrified at the lady's rudeness. A few minutes later the stewardess returns. "Well, I have good news. We do have one seat in first class." Then she turned to the black man, and said, "Sir, if you'd like to get your things, you can follow me to your new seat in first class." At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the black guy walked up to the front of the plane.

The love of God means that we should give every person first-class treatment. Jonah didn't want God's grace to come to his enemies, but God showed him that God shows no partiality.

One preacher described Jesus this way: "Jesus never seemed to distinguish between the people he taught and healed. He preached to the poor. He cured those who had been ignored by physicians. One long day after another Jesus went into a crowd full of need and tended to one person after another. Just when somebody was ready to typecast him, Jesus went into the home of a rich tax collector and broke bread with the wealthy Pharisees. He never seemed to distinguish between rich or poor, male or female, insiders or outsiders. He did not restrict his care to one group or another. No. In the name of God, Jesus gave himself to the world." (1)

The second point of Jonah's story is that anyone can change. Our worst enemies can change, and so can we. Jonah never expected his enemies to repent and believe in God. And sometimes we find ourselves doubting that some people in our lives can change either. Do you know someone on whom you have given up? Who are the people you have closed the door to or turned away from because you have lost faith that they will ever change? Or maybe you have given up on changing you?

We keep telling ourselves, "People don't change." We keep saying God can't use us. But the Bible would warn us that, like Jonah, we may be in for some big surprises!

Endnotes:

1) Rev. William Carter, The Protestant Hour, 1/23/2000.