- Sermon - Mickey Anders

Text: John 20:19-31

Most Christians think the great believers of the faith never doubted. They know about the faith of the famous Christian leaders, but not about their inner struggles.

On Dec. 11, 1979, Mother Teresa, the "Saint of the Gutters," went to Oslo. Dressed in her signature blue-bordered sari and shod in sandals despite below-zero temperatures, the former Agnes Bojaxhiu received that ultimate worldly accolade, the Nobel Peace Prize. In her acceptance lecture, Teresa, whose Missionaries of Charity had grown from a one-woman folly in Calcutta in 1948 into a global beacon of self-abnegating care, delivered the kind of message the world had come to expect from her. "It is not enough for us to say, 'I love God, but I do not love my neighbor,'" she said, since in dying on the Cross, God had "[made] himself the hungry one--the naked one--the homeless one." Jesus' hunger, she said, is what "you and I must find" and alleviate. She condemned abortion and bemoaned youthful drug addiction in the West. Finally, she suggested that the upcoming Christmas holiday should remind the world "that radiating joy is real" because Christ is everywhere--"Christ in our hearts, Christ in the poor we meet, Christ in the smile we give and in the smile that we receive."

Yet less than three months earlier, in a letter to a spiritual confidant, the Rev. Michael van der Peet, that is only now being made public, she wrote with weary familiarity of a different Christ, an absent one. "Jesus has a very special love for you," she assured Van der Peet. "[But] as for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see,--Listen and do not hear--the tongue moves [in prayer] but does not speak ... I want you to pray for me--that I let Him have [a] free hand."

Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love--and now become as the most hated one--the one--You have thrown away as unwanted--unloved. I call, I cling, I want--and there is no One to answer--no One on Whom I can cling--no, No One.--Alone ... Where is my Faith--even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness--My God--how painful is this unknown pain--I have no Faith--I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart--& make me suffer untold agony.

(Time Magazine, Thursday, Aug. 23, 2007)

One Christian leader at the turn of the century wrote in his autobiography: "My religious faith remains in possession of the field only after prolonged civil war with my naturally skeptical mind."

The Scottish reformer, John Knox, wrote of a time when his soul knew "anger, wrath and indignation, which is conceived against God, calling all his promises in doubt."

Read the diary of Increase Mather, one of the great Puritan leaders, and find this entry: "Greatly molested with temptations to atheism."

We sing Martin Luther's great hymn, "A mighty fortress is our God," and we suppose he never questioned his faith, but he once wrote, "For more than a week, Christ was wholly lost. I was shaken by desperation and blasphemy against God."

In today's Scripture passage we find that kind of faith-struggle even among one of the twelve disciples, Thomas. Here's a man who seems to me to be a disciple for a time like this because we live in an age that questions everything. Perhaps we can learn something from Thomas about how to handle our questions and doubts.

And we have them. It's not always easy for us to believe. We are more like Thomas than we know or care to admit. And I suggest that that's not so bad. For if we can use our doubts and questions like Thomas and those other great Christian leaders did - to help strengthen our faith - then we will be better disciples of Jesus Christ.

If we had only the first three Gospels, the only thing we would know about Thomas is his name - for that's all they tell us. So we have to look at the Gospel of John to get real insights into just who Thomas was.

"Thomas" is the Hebrew word for "twin." He is also called "Didymus," which is the Greek word for "twin." Obviously Thomas had a twin brother or sister who is never named.

We find the first mention of Thomas in John 11:16, where we get some real insight into the kind of person he was.

This is the story of the raising of Lazarus. Mary and Martha had sent Jesus word that their brother was close to death. They lived in the small village of Bethany very close to Jerusalem. In verse 7, Jesus tells his disciples, "Let us go to Judea again."

We can see what the disciples think of this idea in verse 8. "Rabbi," the disciples answered, "the Jews were just now trying to stone you, and are you going there again?"

They thought he was crazy to even consider going back there. But then Thomas speaks out in verse 16, "Thomas, who was called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, 'Let us also go, that we may die with him.'"

He was willing to go with Jesus to Jerusalem knowing full well that it just might cost him his own life. Thomas rallied the wavering disciples here, convincing them to go with Jesus to Jerusalem.

Whatever else we may say about Thomas, he was not a coward. Thomas loved Jesus and was fiercely loyal to him.

We also see here that Thomas leaned toward pessimism. "Let us go along with him, so that we can die too!" Thomas tended to expect the worst.

Some of us tend to see the glass have empty as well. Joe Gordon says a pessimist is someone "who can look at the land of milk and honey and see only calories and cholesterol."

It was difficult for Thomas to follow Jesus for he was a natural born pessimist. Thomas was absolutely certain that disaster awaited them, but in an act of tremendous faith and loyalty he was ready to go with Jesus. Just because he was pessimistic, that was no reason to stop following where Jesus led.

The next mention of Thomas comes in John 14:5. Here, Jesus tells his disciples that he's going away to prepare them a room in the Father's house. Jesus adds, "You know the way to the place where I am going." But notice what Thomas says in verse 5, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?”

Thomas wasn't afraid to ask questions when he didn't understand something. And Jesus never put him down for it. Jesus never criticized anyone who came to him with an honest doubt or question, for such a person is seeking to believe. The honest doubters and questioners did not bother Jesus as much as the know-it-alls, those like the Pharisees who would not open their hearts and minds to the truth he taught.

Next we find Thomas mentioned in John 20:24. It's the first Easter evening. The disciples have gathered behind locked doors out of fear of the authorities. Suddenly, Jesus is with them in the room. They see his hands and side. And they are filled with unspeakable joy.

Verse 24 reads, "But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came." We don't know why Thomas wasn't with them. Perhaps it was because his heart was broken. He was in deep pain. It had turned out just as his pessimism had suggested. It had ended in a disaster even worse than he had imagined. Jesus was dead. It was over. To gather with the others was just too painful a reminder of all this.

Thomas chose to withdraw and suffer alone. And because he did, he missed out on the one thing that would have turned his sorrow into joy - the presence of the Risen Christ!

In Matthew 18:20, Jesus says, "Wherever two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them."

To withdraw from the fellowship of the Christian family is to miss out on that special sense of the presence of Christ that gives us tremendous peace and joy. It is only within that fellowship that we begin to have our questions and doubts resolved.

The disciples rush out and find Thomas. They use the very same words that Mary and the other women had used, "We have seen the Lord!"

And in verse 25, Thomas makes that reply for which he has become famous or infamous, "Unless I see the scars of the nails in his hands and put my finger on those scars and my hand in his side, I will not believe."

Verse 26 describes the scene a week later. The disciples have gathered again and this time Thomas is with them. Like before, Jesus appears to them, "Peace be with you," he says. Then Jesus turns to Thomas and offers to allow him to touch his hands and his side.

We're not told if Thomas did this. I personally do not think he did. He fell on his knees and said, "My Lord and my God!" Thomas openly admitted his doubts, he faced them, and worked through them to the greatest confession of faith in Christ in the whole New Testament!

Someone described Thomas' doubt as a "seeking doubt, a doubt that wants not to continue to doubt but to come to believe."

Thomas makes it clear to us that there is more than one kind of doubt. There is the kind of doubt that does not want to believe, that reaches for arguments in order to deny the affirmations of the faith. But there is also that "seeking doubt." This is a person who earnestly wants to believe but honestly admits that she struggles to understand. This kind of doubt actually energizes and expands faith.

Someone has defined theology as "faith seeking understanding." In fact, I have a theology book in my office with that title. I like that description, because most of us find ourselves having faith, but seeking to understand it better. Thomas was that way. He asked questions because he wanted to understand.

Doubt does not have to be the enemy of faith. It can be an ally. If someone has never had any doubts or questions, it's probably because they have never really seriously thought about their faith. Often we do not really understand what we believe until some doubt arises that makes us search for answers.

The fact that a person asks questions or even expresses doubts doesn't mean he or she has no faith. To the contrary, I think it shows that they take their faith seriously, so seriously that they want to understand and grow - just like Thomas.

Tradition says that after the ascension of Jesus, the disciples divided up the world for evangelism and Thomas got India. There is still a church in India that traces its roots back to Thomas. And there's a Saint Thomas Mount where tradition says Thomas was killed while praying.

So don't let anyone tell you to stop asking questions or to suppress all your doubts. Ask questions. Talk about doubt with those you trust. Don't let doubts drive you away from the Christian fellowship but to it, for chances are the Risen Lord will help answer your doubts and questions as you gather with his people to worship, share, pray and serve. Make your questions and doubts lead you, like Thomas, to a greater faith.